Is it just “stuff?”

In some ways I admire the people (women) who walk out of a relationship/marriage with nothing in their hands.  Yes, they get to start anew;  start fresh; be freed of what bound them before.

Yet, they still need to “re-acurure” stuff.

I mean, let’s face it.  So many of those “kitchen gadgets” get used everyday or at least once a week.  Or the day the kids are begging for a smoothie where is my Vitamix?

But the “real stuff” I’m talking about is that stuff that is irreplaceable – the scrapbooks I labored over during their preschool years;  the pillowcases my grandmother hand embroidered; each christmas ornament my mom picked out for me for over 30 years.  That’s the stuff I’m referring to. The stuff he didn’t care about, didn’t know about at the time.  It’s all the stuff I had put on my “personal” list when asked to do so by our original mediators.

STBX took it all.  All of my grandmother’s things she gave me or my mother gave me. Claims it’s all “family” even though the sentimental items were all gifted to me prior to marriage or they are MY family items. Just out of spite.  Now we have to go to arbitration over it.

I decided I just cannot do it.  I cannot go to a room with STBX, the mediator and me, and fight over my things.  I cannot have him sit there and lie to the mediator and yell at me.  Both of which will happen.  It’s a pattern.  And I run the risk of losing the family pieces I already have in my possession, even though they were my mother’s and grandmother’s.

He was very smug and controlling when he sent me an email titled “Pots & Pans Arbitration.”  He had already contacted the court and had open days, times and the “best” time for him all laid out.  Since he had copied his attorney, I copied mine.  And I let him have it.  I told him it was a mockery since he already is going in with an attitude due to the title of the email and that I was not going to be subjected to his lying and yelling.  I also stated I was not going to be part of his vindictive manipulation or sick games (ha!  he would never guess it was a quote from my sister!).

And I sent it.  Two days ago.  And I haven’t heard back.  I felt sick when I sent it.  And it is stressing me out that I haven’t heard back.  Because that means he is up to something.  Like burning my things or something like that.

I keep telling myself it’s just stuff.  But it was my stuff and he kept it on purpose.  That’s where it’s hard to let go.  Because every item means something to me.

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