Savor the Minutes

Last week LOML brought up the fact that we have 40 more years together.  I’m not sure how he came up with that number, but I told him I need to savor the minutes with him.  Especially since we are in a long distance relationship.  I only see him twice a month.  And it’s just not enough.

The 25 year gap in us being apart were critical years.  I think he had 3 significant relationships – ones that he refers to – while I had 2, one being the very long one with STBX.  I know I went through lots of personal milestones in that time as well as trying to figure out what I was doing in my relationship.  I look back and see how insecure I was, and how when I decided that I wanted a family STBX was there and things were “ok.”

I basically wasted half my adult life in a relationship and marriage.  One, which I have previously mentioned, was full of red flags.  I thought about how to “get out” even before I was married.  I think about my proposal day and I know deep down inside I wasn’t thrilled.  It was just another milestone.  Someone and someplace at the time.  As LOML says, “I always thought this is the way it was and that it would get better.”  I did too.  But it got worse and I got more miserable.

Anyway, here I am literally in middle age.  My LDR with LOML sucks.  But the time with him is what makes it good.  Not good, but awesome.  Every time we are together it is full of life.  He brings me life, love and happiness.  I see us together for the remainder of our lives.  Somehow we will be together; it will work out.  I need to be with him, to be under his positive influence, next to him.  His energy is good for me.

Together, intertwined in many ways.  I will savor the minutes.

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