Beautiful

I know there is beauty in the way you look at things.  From the positive side of life.  From the delicate angles and how your senses react to your surroundings.

LOML is always telling me how beautiful I am.  He said that the first time around too.  When I was young and fit.  I’m now 25 years older, grayer, wrinkles and less fit. In fact I’m feeling so the opposite lately (because it’s reality) it’s making me feel so insecure.  I was feeling so on top of it even 6 months ago.  I’ve let myself go — I’ve given into the stresses of divorce, STBX and the craziness in my life.  I keep telling myself it’s a phase.  I need to believe that.

So I continue to try to see beauty in the little things.  Keep the positive outlook and stop to look around, enjoy what beauty surrounds my day.

My days will change soon.  I’ll be working full time again for the first time in 12 years.  It’s very scary.  I know it will be an adjustment for me.  The whole routine, my sense of who I am, my reality.  I had no kids the last time I worked full time.  I’ll be going from “mom who works part-time” to “working mom.”  I feel I’m now forced to put my kids second, they will no longer be first.  It puts a whole new spin on my life.

And I’ll need to be on top of it again.  Maybe the change of pace will help me with that.

LOML texted me this tonight as I’ve been feeling so low: “well you don’t have to worry, I’m not in love with how beautiful you are, I’m in love with how beautiful you make my whole world everyday.”

Beautiful.

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