Coming to a Realization

I have come to a realization.  One that makes me very sad.

I will need to leave my job.  The one that I’ve had for 11 years.  The one that I love the mission, the people, the staff and my supervisor.  It makes me cry to think about it.

I think deep down I knew it’s getting time to change. But I wanted change to happen on my terms. For me to create my next path.  It has been on my list of four, but it was on the back burner.

But now I’m forced into it.  Because of the forced work order.  Because STBX is such a baby and the judge had to rule this way.

And now I will be stuck taking a job.  Just a job that I know, due to my age, will place me back on the track I didn’t want to be on.  I will have no choices.  I mean, here I am, a middle aged woman trying to get back into the fast-paced Silicon Valley working world?  Come on.  I will be falling back into the non-profit world (nothing wrong with that) but over a decade behind where I left it.  The vocational counselor kept saying we have “now” and “future.”  Well, doesn’t now determine future?  Whatever I take now will be the stepping stones to “future” – if there will be stepping stones.

So I will pursue the “job” to fulfill the court order.  I know I have to.

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