Finding Self

Over a year ago I had this “aha” moment.

I had been so unhappy for so long.  Feeling stuck.  Feeling like my life was unfulfilling — other than my role as a mother.

One day, probably just over a year before this, I decided that I needed to start taking care of myself.  So I decided I was going to start running.  Slowly, very slowly.  But I really needed this more intense exercise.  Body and mind.

My fitness journey started that day.

Back to the “aha” moment.  So I was running one day – a time that I think and process – and I came up with the four areas of my life that I was unhappy and unfulfilled.  The first was fitness/weight.  Well that one was in process.  I had decided that I was going to get fit and I had decided to swim at Masters Nationals.  So that one was moving forward.  Second was my current relationship/marriage.  It was a mess.  Third was my career.  But this one I knew I could put on hold;  I was fine with what I was doing and I had time to work on that.  Finally, I felt I had no passion in my life.  Passion for life and *real* passion within me.  And no love.  I think I had given up on love.

Fast forward to today.  The year has been a year of change; a roller coaster of emotions.  A year of joy and sorrow. Guilt and doubt.  But here I am.  I’ve been told I’ve come a long way. That I’m stronger.  But what I really feel is that I have found *me* again.  I have reached back inside of my soul and rediscovered me.  It took over 20 years – but I have come full circle (more about that later).

And that list?  I reordered it.   Well number one — I swam at Masters Nationals and competed for the first time in about ten years.  I made my weight goal (although I have to put some work into it now!!)  and this year I’ve struggled to squeeze workouts in, but I can say it’s checked off!  Two — I decided that I needed to end that relationship.  So this one is in process (more later – UGH).  Three — I found passion!  In more ways that one. It is a circle back too (more another time!) Four — Career — it is still a work in process and I am OK with it.

Deciding.  That is what makes change in oneself.  Deciding to move forward;  deciding to become unstuck.

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